i just wanna soil my oats bro
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
