dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
