well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
All the doctor said was why
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
