I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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