I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize