connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
