you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
