Best friends brother. Beat that.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
