If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
