Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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