He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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