How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
