I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
