the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
