i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
