thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
