So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
