6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I met the friendliest cop last night
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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