I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
