She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
