I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I checked into jail on foursquare
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
