also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
