Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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