pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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