White coat. Heels.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
