You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
