I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
