totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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