yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
