They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
