margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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