im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
