I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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