Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
