Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
