State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
