apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
