I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
