on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
