so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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