I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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