it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
