I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
