yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
