Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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