I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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