You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
