You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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