Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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