Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
