I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
