Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
