I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
