I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
