You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I am midnight drunk by noon
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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