My cat gives me a boner
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
