I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
