he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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