had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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