no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
