New low: just hacked my moms facebook
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I fill condoms, not promises.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
