hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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