Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
