why didn't you poke me back
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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