You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
