Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
