Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
This baby is an asshole
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
