pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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