your room smells of hookers.
And success
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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