He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
