why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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